I’m not even going to lie… words hurt.  They especially hurt when they come from people that you loved.  The past month or so, I have been going back and fourth with my ex girlfriend.  Yes, I can admit that I jacked up our relationship that we had, but I don’t understand how she can grow to hate me as much as she does now.  We have been back and fourth for about a month.  From arguing to meeting up for lunch, to making out at lunch.  It is just a total mind fuck.  We would meet up for lunch and it seemed as if everything is back to normal, then I don’t hear from her for two days or so.  Now I am the one reaching out to her and chasing her.  I mean, how can someone that claims that they love you so much completely cut you out there life??

It’s crazy because even my baby mom knows how hurt I am.  I mean I am not as bad as I was, but now based off the few text messages that I received yesterday, she really stuck a dagger in my heart.  So yesterday, I text her good morning, and I was feeling really good.  She then responded with sarcasm and criticism.  I kind of blew it off, I didn’t know if she was playing or if she was serious.  Then I sent her a picture of a house that I was interested in buying.  Her response to that is what killed me.  She told me that all my ducks are not in a row, and I am not ready for a house.  I then blew that off, then I sent her a long text of who I am and my way of thinking.  She then text back and said “STOP”.  This killed me in  the inside.  To be honest, it is still killing me.  I’ve always been there for her, and always hoped the best for her.  But now it is as if she hopes the worse for me.  It’s as if she hates me.  It’s as if she hopes I fail.  It’s crazy, I told my baby mom this, and she got pissed!!!! I mean she almost cried.  She told me that she obviously doesn’t know me, and she is right, she doesn’t know me.

Everything thing in my life that I have put forth to do, I’VE DONE IT!!!! So many people criticized me, so many people didn’t believe in me, but I always over came.  From yesterday, my ex has now become toxic, and it is time to eliminate her from my life.  I’ve always eliminated toxic people from my life.  I mean not necessarily intentionally, but it was inevitable due to the law of attraction.  I knew since day one, that me and her wouldn’t last.  I knew it from the moment she told me she needed me.  I knew that her way of thinking was opposite of mine.  I also knew it when I used to talk to her about my dreams and she literally used to almost fall asleep.  Crazy thing is… the woman I used to talk to was never like this.  Granted she was married, but she always supported me.  I mean, we supported each other.  I thought on my end, I supported her.  I mean, I sincerely cared about her and her health and what she was doing with her life.  The gap between then and now is unknown.  I have no idea how she has abruptly made me out to be this evil person.  The only conclusion that I can formulate from this is, she is letting people think for her.  She is also associating and comparing me to her previous experiences.

So now that she has said that, it is now time for me to prove her wrong.  She is now on the list of people that never had faith in me.  She can get in line because there are a lot of those individuals.  I can’t let someone that is beneath me dictate how I live my life and what I do with my life.  It gets me because this is the same woman that has been married practically three times, let three guys stay with her, and they all left her, or maybe she left them like she did me.  Now I see why.  She is the type of woman that will grow old alone and still dancing in clubs.  The way I see it, she did me a favor by leaving me.  I don’t wish anything bad on her, but she is heading down that road.  This is because she is self defeated, and just like everyone else in the world, she is a realist.  She will work till she is 60 and live a comfortable but boring life.  She will soon realize life is not all reality.  I tried to show her that, but she will have to learn on her own.

The way I see it is, this is God telling me that he has a higher plan for me.  This is God telling me, she is not the one.  Yes I am hurt, yes I have to deal with this on my own, but it is not defeating me.  This will only make me a stronger person.  Since her walking out my life, I have closed on a new client, and my business has flourished.  I feel good physically, and working on my mental capacity, and I am also working on myself spiritually.  I am raising my son into a man, and my visual has never been more clear.